By Ashley
End of life planning is never a fun topic, but it is an essential one. In my case, I’m not talking about my end-of-life plans, but about my parents’ plans.
A difficult diagnosis and a long road
My father was diagnosed with dementia in 2015, with doctors estimating his life expectancy at around seven years. Now, in 2025, he has exceeded those expectations, but just a few months ago, he entered hospice care. He had finally reached the final stage of this terrible disease.
This brings up a complex mix of emotions. There is some relief – he has been trapped for years in a shell of his own body, unable to recognize me, my children, etc. But there is also sadness and sorrow. My family has faced significant loss in recent years, including the unexpected death of my older brother in 2021. It is not fair that our father, who has advanced dementia, should outlive him.
With my brother gone, the responsibility for managing my father’s care falls primarily to my sister, who lives near him in Texas and works as a registered nurse. She’s shouldered the brunt of the burden, especially since he moved into a full-time memory care facility a few years ago. Because I live in Arizona, I have not been able to contribute much to his daily care, which has strained my relationship with my sister. However, facing the reality of our father’s limited time has brought us closer as we go through this difficult journey together.
Lessons from my brother’s passing
When my brother died, he had no end-of-life plans: no will, no trust, and no estate plan. I went through the files on his desk and broke into his phone and computer to access bank accounts and important information. It took more than two years to settle his estate. The process was complicated because he was unmarried and his minor children could not legally represent the estate. Not being prepared caused additional unnecessary stress, especially for my mother. The children needed court-appointed representatives and much of the estate’s money went to lawyers. This delay prolonged our family’s grieving process.
These experiences have confirmed the importance of having ready plans. Fortunately, my father took steps to prepare shortly after his diagnosis. In 2015, my brothers and I had several conversations with him about his desires. He wrote a will, organized his finances, and made arrangements to cover his end-of-life costs. Unlike my brother, my sister and I will not face financial burdens while mourning our father.
Planning for the future
Seeing how my father planned for the future left a lasting impression on me. I’ve always said I don’t need an inheritance. I’m simply grateful that I’m not stuck with a bill for end-of-life care. I’ve also seen the huge toll these expenses can take. My mother paid for assisted living for several years. That experience made me determined to plan so my children wouldn’t face similar stressors.
As we prepare for the inevitable, I am grateful for my father’s foresight and financial planning. It’s a final act of love – easing the burden on my sister and I during an already difficult time. These preparations were also a reminder for me to prioritize my end-of-life planning, ensuring that I too leave my loved ones in peace rather than stressed. With it being a new year, perhaps this is a good time for all of us to take a look at our estate and end-of-life plans and determine if updates need to be made.
Although we don’t know exactly how much time my father has left, I hope that my sister and I can continue to support each other and honor his final wishes. I feel great comfort in knowing what these desires actually entail, and peace in knowing that he has provided the financial means to carry out his desires without my sister and I having to dip into our savings accounts. It’s really a gift.
Hi, I’m Ashley! Arizona on paper, Texas in heart. Lover of running, blogging and all things cheesy. Newly 40 years old, married and mother of two children, working in the academic field. Trying to finally (finally!) pay off that ridiculous 6-figure student loan debt!
