Three of my five children, or three sons, are now completely financially independent of me. The other two should be able to do so within the next twelve months or so.
They grew up different.
Now let me warn you in this post about this background, we are not the “normal” family.
Twins
My two older children grew up in extreme poverty until they were placed with me by the foster care system a few weeks before their 13th birthday. They are now in their mid-20s.
My eldest daughter
My eldest daughter grew up in a government-funded home, where resources were limited at best; however, she always had a roof over her head and regular food. She moved in with us full-time when she was sixteen.
My relationship with my eldest daughter is different than my relationship with others because of the way she was raised in the family, her age at that transition, and her connection to her biological family. I have been more of a mentor than a mother. This is not a judgment, just a perspective that needs to be understood.
Younger two
Finally, my two youngest children are my biological children and have lived through all the ups and downs of this crazy life with me.
All this to say that my kids have three very different financial journeys, relationships, and financial expectations… (I’m not sure I said that correctly, but I hope you get my point.)
The Road to Financial Independence
Since the birth of my first daughter, my first child, I had already decided, or at least had roughly decided, the financial support I planned/hoped to provide to my children throughout their lives.
Years of formation – allowance
Once my kids were old enough to ask for things, they started receiving their own pocket money. This continued until they got their first job…at about fifteen.
There were times when I tried to dictate how the money was used. Usually 10% was saved, 10% was given away, and the rest was their discretion. But I wasn’t consistent with that. Honestly, that was a result of my upbringing and not something I strongly believed in. That inconsistency at this point is one of the things I regret when it comes to money and my kids. (More on that later.)
Teenage Years – Partial Independence
Once they were old enough and had time, they were all required to get part-time jobs. They were all required to save 10% of their income.
I gave them each access to a car, often shared, and paid for their phones, their car insurance, and their gas. I ended up limiting my gas spending to one tank a week. All of this meant that during the early years of their income-earning years, other than saving, they were in control of their money and their spending.
Setting expectations after high school
Since they were young, or joined the family, we talked about the expectations of post-secondary education or job training. We talked about the importance of having some of the skills needed to get a job or plan for college when they stepped into adulthood.
I encouraged each of them to evaluate what was important to them, and make plans to pursue those dreams before taking on responsibilities like family, debt, etc. Things like traveling the world, buying a designer brand, buying a car, etc. Anything they considered important or loved.
(I have written before that before the twins, I was only promoting the college route. My experience with the twins has expanded that discourse to include vocational schools, medical training, the military, and more.)
In these conversations, I always promised them financial support as they pursued higher education, vocational school, or some type of training. We also focused on how each of them could pursue these educational/training opportunities and come out the other side debt-free. That was the goal for each of them. And the path to achieving that was different based on their trajectory.
Puberty – Launch Plan
As the children grew into adulthood, I continued to support them as they sought additional educational opportunities, whatever form they took. Some enrolled in a particular program, others were in and out, and one decided to withdraw from any post-secondary program altogether, at least for the time being.
In all cases, I offered them limited support for 6 months after they finished their program of study or after they started or stopped studying for 3 months. At that point, if they were still living at home, I would ask them to pay a nominal rent ($250 per month) and they would pay their own bills that I had covered up to that point…car insurance and phones primarily.
And now they are released.
All three boys have left home, moved out of state, and are fully functional adults. They are completely independent of their mothers’ money. They have certainly had some struggles along the way. Their mothers have offered them some support. But they are doing it. And they are doing well! I couldn’t be prouder or more impressed with how they are learning, sometimes from my failures and sometimes from theirs, and turning them into better decisions.
Is every choice they make a sound financial choice? Of course not. But either way, they are more knowledgeable about money, debt, credit, credit scores, and investing than I was when they were their age. And they are doing the best they can! I am so proud of them. And ultimately, it’s the paths they’ve chosen and the dreams they are pursuing. Each one of them has their own dreams. And I will always be their biggest cheerleader.
The post Financial Independence for Kids – My Thoughts was first published on Blogging Away Debt.
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