Making Friends as an Adult: While it’s never been easy, it’s getting harder, but it’s possible.

You don’t imagine it. Making friends as an adult has become more difficult. However, social relationships are one of life’s greatest pleasures and something worth pursuing. Let’s explore why friendships are important, why it’s hard to make friends as an adult, and how to develop new relationships.

Why are social relationships so important?

The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study on Happiness This study documents the results of the longest scientific study ever conducted on happiness. And what does this massive body of research say? The stronger our relationships are, the more likely we are to live happier, more fulfilling, and healthier lives overall.

This is reinforced by additional research that has found that loneliness can be more harmful to your health than smoking.

Important, but why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?

The list goes on about why making friends is so hard for adults.

• The pandemic has isolated people from each other and many are struggling to reconnect.
• Cell phones provide a constant source of entertainment and distraction and do not require human contact.
• When you work and raise a family, you don’t have as many free time as you did when you were a child, teen, or young adult. This unstructured time is the perfect environment for making friends.
• When you retire, you lose the natural social contact that work provides and the routine that allowed you to have regular meetings.
• Perhaps as you get older, you become more selective about the people you invest your time with, seeking deeper relationships rather than casual acquaintances.
• There is always the fear of vulnerability and rejection that can make it difficult to connect and build new relationships.
• You may be out of practice.

12 Ideas for Finding Friends as an Adult

1. Start with people you know.

When trying to make new friends as an adult, it often helps to start with people you already know: acquaintances, coworkers, the parents of your children’s friends, neighbors, or even high school classmates you haven’t spoken to in years.

Choose someone from your contact list who you have always particularly liked and text or call them and look for an in-person meeting to connect or around a common interest.

By reaching out and expressing genuine interest, you may discover that a casual relationship can develop into a meaningful friendship. Sometimes, the best friendships start with those who are already in your orbit, and are just waiting for a little extra attention and effort to grow.

2. Put the phone aside.

You see people with phones everywhere and there’s really nothing wrong with doing anything on your phone (crossword puzzles and the Kindle app are my favorite distractions). However, if you’re looking for connections, be more mindful of when and where you use your phone.

If you’re looking for friendships and you’re in a situation where there’s even a chance to start a conversation, leave your phone in your pocket.

3. Try friend finder apps

You may be familiar with dating sites, but did you know that there are also apps for finding friends? Here are two you can try:

Bumble BFF Mode: Bumble is a popular dating site, but they’ve used their technology to help people find their “type of person.” bumble for friends Bumble BFF mode lets you enter your profile and what you like. The algorithm then shows you profiles it thinks might match your friendship interests. “Swipe right” if you’re interested in learning more, or left if you’re not.

Meeting: the Meet Up App It calls itself “the people platform – where interests turn into friendships.” Whatever your interest, you’ll find people in your geographic area and events happen almost every day.

4. Know what you are looking for

Are you looking for a best friend or a group of people to have a good time with?

Being clear about your intentions helps you form relationships that align with your current stage of life and personal growth. Not only does this self-awareness enhance the quality of your friendships, it also ensures that the time and energy you invest are well-aligned with those who share your goals and values.

5. Get a dog

Dogs naturally encourage social interaction, whether through walks, trips to the dog park, or simply meeting other pet owners. They also provide companionship and a sense of routine, which can be especially helpful if you’re feeling lonely or looking to build new habits.

6. Join a civic or membership organization.

In college, I transferred from a community college to a four-year school. When I got to college, I felt like I had to make up for the time that everyone else my age was spending making friends. I decided the quickest way to fit in was to join a sorority. And you know what? It worked. I instantly connected with a group of 60 young women and in the process made lifelong friends.

You won’t join a sorority or fraternity when you grow up, but you may find a similar kinship by joining some kind of membership organization.

7. Attend an alumni event

Alumni events often attract people who share your educational background and values, making it easier to find common ground and build new friendships. Whether it’s a meet-up, networking event, or casual get-together, participating in these events can help you form meaningful connections with both old friends and new acquaintances who are on the same journey as you.

8. Sign up for a training course.

Whether it’s a group fitness class, a cooking class, a painting group, or something else, classes are a great way to meet friends who share your interests.

The classroom structure provides regular opportunities for interaction, conversation, and collaboration, which helps break the ice and build understanding over time. Plus, the shared goal of learning something new gives you an immediate topic to bond over, making it easier to start conversations and develop lasting friendships.

9. How to wake up regularly and create a social habit

Regular attendance is key to building and maintaining friendships into adulthood. Whether it’s taking a weekly class, joining a social group, or simply going to the same coffee shop, consistent participation allows you to become a familiar face. Over time, this regular attendance helps build trust and understanding, making it easier to start conversations and deepen bonds.

By being a consistent part of a community or activity, you send a signal to others that you are committed and interested in forming meaningful relationships, which can lead to lasting friendships.

10. Put making friends on your to-do list.

Friendships are beneficial, but they don’t come without effort. You have to put in the time and focus to make friends.

Treating finding friends as a goal not only helps you focus, but it also encourages you to step out of your comfort zone and look for opportunities to connect with others.

11. Ask for a favor

Asking for help can be an effective way to build friendships in adulthood. Although it may seem counterintuitive, asking for help or advice can create a sense of trust and mutual support. When you ask someone for a favor, you are giving them an opportunity to help you, which can strengthen your relationship and show that you value their contribution or expertise. It is important to be honest and understanding, and to make sure that the favor is something they can easily do.

Often times, this simple act of communication can strengthen your bond and open the door to a more meaningful relationship.

12. Create a club

Starting a club is a great way to make new friends as an adult while pursuing something you’re passionate about. Whether it’s a book club, a hiking group, or a board game night, creating a space where like-minded people can gather provides a natural environment for building relationships. As the organizer, you have the opportunity to bring together individuals with common interests, facilitate interactions, and help everyone feel included.

Over time, these regular get-togethers can foster a sense of community and lead to deep, lasting friendships as members bond over shared goals and experiences.

What about a retirement planning club?