By Ashley
On the island of Capri
I remember teaching a night class at a community college while I was still a graduate student and finishing my doctorate more than a decade ago. This classroom was full of working adults—a room full of post-conventional learners, many of whom also had caregiving responsibilities, bills to pay, and all the normal things that come with adulthood. On the first day of class I asked everyone what they did over the summer. The same question, when posed to a group of “traditional” college students, receives all sorts of diverse and interesting answers and tales of travels near and far. With my room for working adults? nothing. Lots of “it worked” and not much else. A huge failure on my part for not taking the audience into account.
Today’s economy
I was recently talking to one of my best friends from childhood, and we’ve been catching up on each other’s lives. She and her husband live a modest lifestyle. She is a secretary at the primary school her children attend and her husband is a hotel manager. They have enough to meet their needs, but not a lot of extras.
When chatting about summer plans, I planned a short staycation. The family will take a two-hour day trip to visit some fun kid-themed places, and then they will stay at a hotel where they get a free room thanks to the husband’s job. I think it looks nice, but she seemed a little embarrassed by how modest it was. She explained, “I don’t know how anyone can do anything in this economy!” And it’s true… inflation has been a kick in the pants.
Money and feelings
I know my boyfriend didn’t mean it, but it made me feel a little guilty. For most of my life, I lived completely bare bones. I’ve written previous posts here when my kids were little about making baby wipes. I’ve also made DIY cleaning solutions, washed and reused (off-brand) Ziploc bags, and dabbled in several side hustles. Only in the last couple of years have we started going on “real” vacations (i.e. planned destinations versus just driving to visit family). It’s expensive, yes, but I’ve been working full-time in my career for a decade and want to make some memories with my kids before they grow up (they’re growing so fast! They’ll be 12 this month!)
Find balance
I know this is my thing, because my boyfriend definitely wasn’t trying to make me feel bad. But I just shared with her all about my husband’s trip and my recent trip to Italy! How could I not feel deaf and intense when I turned around and asked her about vacation plans only to hear that they were going to a nearby city for one night. It definitely took me back to that night class I taught at the community college at the time. I should have learned my lesson then!
Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? I am almost completely debt-free except for my mortgage and the last remaining portion of my student loans that are expected to be forgiven in less than two years. No debt on credit, vehicles, medical services or other “extras”. Only after reaching this point did I start doing more fun extra things (by saving and paying cash). I don’t want to feel guilty about having this privilege, but I also want to be sensitive to the fact that many other people are not in the same position to take European vacations, etc.
How did you deal with this type of situation?
Hi, I’m Ashley! Arizona on paper, Texas in heart. Lover of running, blogging and all things cheesy. Newly 40 years old, married and mother of two children, working in the academic field. Trying to finally (finally!) pay off that ridiculous 6-figure student loan debt!
